January 26, 2010
It's Good But It Could Be Better If You Add Bacon Too . . . . .
Double patty breakfast sandwich proves that mankind has officially done it all
"Hardee’s new “Double Sausage, Egg ‘N’ Cheese Biscuit” promises to increase the productivity of your morning food intake by allowing you to eat just one sandwich instead of two."
(CrunchGear)
"Hardee’s new “Double Sausage, Egg ‘N’ Cheese Biscuit” promises to increase the productivity of your morning food intake by allowing you to eat just one sandwich instead of two."
(CrunchGear)
Soccer Fans Take Every Soccer Related Way Too Seriously . . . . .
Italian teen stabs father in PlayStation row
ROME (Reuters) - An Italian man who argued with his son over Sony PlayStation tactics was recovering in hospital on Monday after the teenager stabbed him in the neck with a 15-inch kitchen knife, police and hospital officials said.
"The man, identified as Fabrizio R., suffered a deep cut to the throat after his 16-year-old son, Mario, attacked him during an argument on Sunday over the soccer video game FIFA 2009.
Police said the argument broke out when the 46-year-old storekeeper offered his son advice on tactics to improve his play, and then turned the television off in response to his son's behavior.
Fetching a knife from the kitchen, Mario stabbed his father in the neck before returning to clean the weapon at the kitchen sink in front of his mother and leaving it to dry on the draining-board. Forty-six year-old housewife Monica B,. told Italian daily Il Corriere della Sera that she had no idea what had happened until her husband stumbled into the room, clutching his throat."
(Reuters)
ROME (Reuters) - An Italian man who argued with his son over Sony PlayStation tactics was recovering in hospital on Monday after the teenager stabbed him in the neck with a 15-inch kitchen knife, police and hospital officials said.
"The man, identified as Fabrizio R., suffered a deep cut to the throat after his 16-year-old son, Mario, attacked him during an argument on Sunday over the soccer video game FIFA 2009.
Police said the argument broke out when the 46-year-old storekeeper offered his son advice on tactics to improve his play, and then turned the television off in response to his son's behavior.
Fetching a knife from the kitchen, Mario stabbed his father in the neck before returning to clean the weapon at the kitchen sink in front of his mother and leaving it to dry on the draining-board. Forty-six year-old housewife Monica B,. told Italian daily Il Corriere della Sera that she had no idea what had happened until her husband stumbled into the room, clutching his throat."
(Reuters)
Japan's Attempting To Clean Up Its Image One City At A Time . . . . .
Trying to tame Tokyo's adult playground
Once a U.S. serviceman's haunt, the Roppongi district became a respectable business district, then fell back into disrepute. It's now home to drugs, the yakuza, hostess bars, drink spiking and murder.
"But Roppongi often breaks his heart, over the decades turning from a U.S. servicemen's haunt into a respectable business district and then back to disrepute -- the gentle women in kimonos giving way to mobsters and drug dealers.
Good or bad, in this famously safe city, Roppongi stands out: elegant one block, seedy the next, a multicultural meeting spot known as Tokyo's most cosmopolitan dusk-to-dawn adult playground.
Through it all, Shimbo has fiercely gone to battle over Roppongi's reputation. Now the 58-year-old merchants association leader is facing a new challenge: bar touts.
Popping up sometimes five or six to a block, the mostly young men from Nigeria and other African nations have a particularly un-Japanese way of doing business. In a country protective of its personal space, the hawkers sidle up to male foreigners, taking them in by the arm to suggest the charms of the scantily clad women waiting inside nearby hostess clubs.
Many take the bait of cheap drinks and casual sex -- and wind up with a headache the next morning. Patrons have had their drinks spiked, then woozily regained consciousness hours later with no memory of the previous evening or knowledge of the thousands of dollars charged to their credit cards.
In an unprecedented move, the U.S. Embassy in Tokyo last year warned the 40,000 American citizens here to avoid Roppongi and its nearly 350 bars and clubs. Without citing numbers, officials pointed to a "significant increase" in drink-spiking incidents.
"The U.S. Embassy continues to receive reliable reports of U.S. citizens being drugged in Roppongi-area bars," the warning read. "Assaults on Americans have also been reported in connection with drink-spiking."
The July bulletin, which followed warnings by the British and Australian embassies, sent Shimbo into action. Within days, members of the Roppongi Commerce Shop Owners Assn. met with U.S. officials and pledged steps to correct the problem.
"I wish I could have told them there isn't such a practice in Roppongi," said Shimbo, the group's vice chair. "But in reality, these things do go on here."
(LATimes)
Once a U.S. serviceman's haunt, the Roppongi district became a respectable business district, then fell back into disrepute. It's now home to drugs, the yakuza, hostess bars, drink spiking and murder.
"But Roppongi often breaks his heart, over the decades turning from a U.S. servicemen's haunt into a respectable business district and then back to disrepute -- the gentle women in kimonos giving way to mobsters and drug dealers.
Good or bad, in this famously safe city, Roppongi stands out: elegant one block, seedy the next, a multicultural meeting spot known as Tokyo's most cosmopolitan dusk-to-dawn adult playground.
Through it all, Shimbo has fiercely gone to battle over Roppongi's reputation. Now the 58-year-old merchants association leader is facing a new challenge: bar touts.
Popping up sometimes five or six to a block, the mostly young men from Nigeria and other African nations have a particularly un-Japanese way of doing business. In a country protective of its personal space, the hawkers sidle up to male foreigners, taking them in by the arm to suggest the charms of the scantily clad women waiting inside nearby hostess clubs.
Many take the bait of cheap drinks and casual sex -- and wind up with a headache the next morning. Patrons have had their drinks spiked, then woozily regained consciousness hours later with no memory of the previous evening or knowledge of the thousands of dollars charged to their credit cards.
In an unprecedented move, the U.S. Embassy in Tokyo last year warned the 40,000 American citizens here to avoid Roppongi and its nearly 350 bars and clubs. Without citing numbers, officials pointed to a "significant increase" in drink-spiking incidents.
"The U.S. Embassy continues to receive reliable reports of U.S. citizens being drugged in Roppongi-area bars," the warning read. "Assaults on Americans have also been reported in connection with drink-spiking."
The July bulletin, which followed warnings by the British and Australian embassies, sent Shimbo into action. Within days, members of the Roppongi Commerce Shop Owners Assn. met with U.S. officials and pledged steps to correct the problem.
"I wish I could have told them there isn't such a practice in Roppongi," said Shimbo, the group's vice chair. "But in reality, these things do go on here."
(LATimes)
I Don't Know How To React To This . . . . .
China to jail people for up to 15 days who eat dog
"China has launched its first draft proposal to protect the country's animals from maltreatment including a measure to jail people who eat dog for up to 15 days, the Chongqing Evening News reported today.
The pilot scheme aims to protect the nation's animal from misuse or injury and defines maltreatment as hurting or killing animals in a cruel manner.
The draft has nine chapters covering major regulations including animal medical treatment, transportation and butchers regulations.
It also proposes that people caught eating dog or cat meat will be detained for no more than 15 days with a fine of 5,000 yuan ($732). Any unit or group found violating the rule will be fined between 10,000 yuan ($1,464) to 500,000 yuan ($73,239).
"It won't impact people's lives because only few people eat the meat of dogs and cats," said Chang Jiwen, a principal drafter.
China National Native Produce & Animal By-Products Import & Export Corporation backed the act saying it will encourage its trade volume of down and cashmere, the report said."
(ChinaDaily)
"China has launched its first draft proposal to protect the country's animals from maltreatment including a measure to jail people who eat dog for up to 15 days, the Chongqing Evening News reported today.
The pilot scheme aims to protect the nation's animal from misuse or injury and defines maltreatment as hurting or killing animals in a cruel manner.
The draft has nine chapters covering major regulations including animal medical treatment, transportation and butchers regulations.
It also proposes that people caught eating dog or cat meat will be detained for no more than 15 days with a fine of 5,000 yuan ($732). Any unit or group found violating the rule will be fined between 10,000 yuan ($1,464) to 500,000 yuan ($73,239).
"It won't impact people's lives because only few people eat the meat of dogs and cats," said Chang Jiwen, a principal drafter.
China National Native Produce & Animal By-Products Import & Export Corporation backed the act saying it will encourage its trade volume of down and cashmere, the report said."
(ChinaDaily)
I Definitely Know How This Feels . . . . .
'Working twice as hard for half the money'
"NEW YORK (CNNMoney.com) -- Being out of work is taking a toll on job seekers. But even those with a job are getting fed up.
Layoffs, diminished benefits, pay cuts and extra workload burdens are finally pushing many disgruntled workers right out the door.
In a study by CareerBuilder, 24% of workers say they no longer feel loyal to their current employer and 19% plan to move to a new job this year.
Despite his discontent, Quam says he will continue working at the airline until he receives a job offer. "I really can't afford to quit, it's a matter of grinning and bearing it until things turn around."
(CNN)
"NEW YORK (CNNMoney.com) -- Being out of work is taking a toll on job seekers. But even those with a job are getting fed up.
Layoffs, diminished benefits, pay cuts and extra workload burdens are finally pushing many disgruntled workers right out the door.
In a study by CareerBuilder, 24% of workers say they no longer feel loyal to their current employer and 19% plan to move to a new job this year.
Despite his discontent, Quam says he will continue working at the airline until he receives a job offer. "I really can't afford to quit, it's a matter of grinning and bearing it until things turn around."
(CNN)
This Is A Pretty Cool Thing I Guess . . . . .
The $10,000 Proposal Martini
"The Algonquin Hotel in New York City is prepared to help the creatively impaired, offering what is possibly the most expensive martini ever. The Grey Goose $10,000 proposal cocktail comes with a one-of-a-kind diamond ring placed in the glass. This specialty cocktail is served by a white gloved waiter in a crystal glass on a silver platter in the hotel's famous Blue Bar. The hotel arranges for clients to work one on one with a private jeweler to customize the engagement ring picking carat size, number of stones and the setting. The hotel needs at least 72 hours notice to set up this arrangement."
(AOL)
"The Algonquin Hotel in New York City is prepared to help the creatively impaired, offering what is possibly the most expensive martini ever. The Grey Goose $10,000 proposal cocktail comes with a one-of-a-kind diamond ring placed in the glass. This specialty cocktail is served by a white gloved waiter in a crystal glass on a silver platter in the hotel's famous Blue Bar. The hotel arranges for clients to work one on one with a private jeweler to customize the engagement ring picking carat size, number of stones and the setting. The hotel needs at least 72 hours notice to set up this arrangement."
(AOL)
Sex Ed Is Going High Tech . . . . .
Canadian Kids to be Taught Dangers of Sexting
"Sending sexual text messages and photos -- or "sexting" -- on cell phones clearly is not a good idea.
And if kids in Canada can't figure that out for themselves, their schools will help them. The Vancouver Sun in British Columbia reports that 100 seventh graders will be the first to be taught a new national curriculum to educate kids on the dangers of sexting.
Middle schoolers across Canada will be taught the curriculum beginning in September, according to a press release issued Jan. 21 by the Canadian Centre for Child Protection and the Canadian Wireless Telecommunications Association.
Signy Arnason, representing the Centre for Child Protection, tells the Vancouver Sun that sexting leaves kids vulnerable to adult sexual predators. But it goes beyond that, as well.
"We're seeing so much harm come to adolescents within their own peer circle, whereby they're sending nude images or inappropriate messages, and those are being transferred to a larger group of individuals," Arnason tells the paper.
This is not an attempt to bust kids for what is (technically) distributing child pornography, she adds.
"The goal is to intervene as soon as possible," she tells the Sun. "So what police are very excited about is that this is a real prevention tool."
And police are excited."
(AOL)
"Sending sexual text messages and photos -- or "sexting" -- on cell phones clearly is not a good idea.
And if kids in Canada can't figure that out for themselves, their schools will help them. The Vancouver Sun in British Columbia reports that 100 seventh graders will be the first to be taught a new national curriculum to educate kids on the dangers of sexting.
Middle schoolers across Canada will be taught the curriculum beginning in September, according to a press release issued Jan. 21 by the Canadian Centre for Child Protection and the Canadian Wireless Telecommunications Association.
Signy Arnason, representing the Centre for Child Protection, tells the Vancouver Sun that sexting leaves kids vulnerable to adult sexual predators. But it goes beyond that, as well.
"We're seeing so much harm come to adolescents within their own peer circle, whereby they're sending nude images or inappropriate messages, and those are being transferred to a larger group of individuals," Arnason tells the paper.
This is not an attempt to bust kids for what is (technically) distributing child pornography, she adds.
"The goal is to intervene as soon as possible," she tells the Sun. "So what police are very excited about is that this is a real prevention tool."
And police are excited."
(AOL)
Add Her To Your Google Search List . . . . .
Behind The Scenes Of FHM Taiwan Photo Shoot With Maria Ozawa
Maria Ozawa
"Maria Ozawa is a half Canadian, half Japanese adult film star. She was born and raised in Japan and has been performing in adult films there for years, but has also been seen in a few mainstream venues, like the Taiwan version of FHM’s May 2009 issue. It’s interesting to see her speaking English when 99% of the time she sounds 100% Japanese."
More pictures here (NextRound)
Maria Ozawa
"Maria Ozawa is a half Canadian, half Japanese adult film star. She was born and raised in Japan and has been performing in adult films there for years, but has also been seen in a few mainstream venues, like the Taiwan version of FHM’s May 2009 issue. It’s interesting to see her speaking English when 99% of the time she sounds 100% Japanese."
More pictures here (NextRound)
They Make Me Want To Watch The News And I'm Ok With That . . . . .
40 More Hottest Newswomen in America
Sharon Tay
"Sharon Tay moved to the US from Singapore when she was only seven, only to move to the Philippines a few short years later. When she finally moved back to the US again, toward the end of high school, it was for good. She went to Boston University where she majored in Broadcast Journalism, and moved on from there to work in California before getting picked up by MSNBC. She anchored and co-hosted two shows there before leaving and now works at a local station in LA."
Jackie Guerrido
"Ridiculously hot Jackie Guerrido is yet another gorgeous Puerto Rican newscaster working for Univision, and can be seen routinely on Primer Impacto. She studied meteorology at the University of Miami and journalism at the University of Florida."
Complete list here (Manolith)
Sharon Tay
"Sharon Tay moved to the US from Singapore when she was only seven, only to move to the Philippines a few short years later. When she finally moved back to the US again, toward the end of high school, it was for good. She went to Boston University where she majored in Broadcast Journalism, and moved on from there to work in California before getting picked up by MSNBC. She anchored and co-hosted two shows there before leaving and now works at a local station in LA."
Jackie Guerrido
"Ridiculously hot Jackie Guerrido is yet another gorgeous Puerto Rican newscaster working for Univision, and can be seen routinely on Primer Impacto. She studied meteorology at the University of Miami and journalism at the University of Florida."
Complete list here (Manolith)
It's Gettin' Hard Out There For A Hustla' . . . . .
5 Ways To Be A “Baller On A Budget”
Inflated Posse – Get a group of 4-6 friends and take turns being the baller. Each night choose one guy and designate him as baller for the entire evening. Let him carry around all the money and purchase drinks throughout the night. Also, you can hype his swagger by asking questions about his latest trip to Dubai or if he closed that multimillion dollar deal last week in London.
Empty Bank Account On Friday Night – Take out all the money from your bank account (literally, take all your money out) before hitting your first destination. Here’s the trick. Pay for each drink you order but don’t start a tab. This gives you the chance to pull out your extremely huge wad of cash for each drink purchase. Make sure you pull out this cash when ladies are nearby.
Getting A Car You Have No Business Driving – The secondary lease market (like LeaseTrader.com) lets “faux ballers” get a Mercedes or even a Maserati for pennies on the dollar with little financial commitment.
Sharing Payments – Purchase that sweet condo or house with a group of friends (the same friends that serve as your club entourage). You’ll hopefully be making money on your investment and getting immediate satisfaction telling girls you bought the place as your vacation home when you’re not traveling around the world. Just make sure your buddies are staying at their parents’ place for the evening or sleeping in their car.
Fake Passport Locations – Nothing says “faux baller” like your faux passport. When you’re talking about running with the bulls in Spain, catching the Cannes Film Festival, or dropping in on Carnaval in Brazil, pull out your faux passport with proof of being in each country and this should seal the deal.
(JustAGuyThing)
Inflated Posse – Get a group of 4-6 friends and take turns being the baller. Each night choose one guy and designate him as baller for the entire evening. Let him carry around all the money and purchase drinks throughout the night. Also, you can hype his swagger by asking questions about his latest trip to Dubai or if he closed that multimillion dollar deal last week in London.
Empty Bank Account On Friday Night – Take out all the money from your bank account (literally, take all your money out) before hitting your first destination. Here’s the trick. Pay for each drink you order but don’t start a tab. This gives you the chance to pull out your extremely huge wad of cash for each drink purchase. Make sure you pull out this cash when ladies are nearby.
Getting A Car You Have No Business Driving – The secondary lease market (like LeaseTrader.com) lets “faux ballers” get a Mercedes or even a Maserati for pennies on the dollar with little financial commitment.
Sharing Payments – Purchase that sweet condo or house with a group of friends (the same friends that serve as your club entourage). You’ll hopefully be making money on your investment and getting immediate satisfaction telling girls you bought the place as your vacation home when you’re not traveling around the world. Just make sure your buddies are staying at their parents’ place for the evening or sleeping in their car.
Fake Passport Locations – Nothing says “faux baller” like your faux passport. When you’re talking about running with the bulls in Spain, catching the Cannes Film Festival, or dropping in on Carnaval in Brazil, pull out your faux passport with proof of being in each country and this should seal the deal.
(JustAGuyThing)
This List Says Otherwise But You Know You Still Would . . . . .
Every guy will hit on her
There is something mysterious about a woman that attracts us to them in the first place. History tells us that most men will treat a woman differently after sleeping with her. However, porn stars seem to unlock what we’ll call the “I’ve seen you naked” Paradox. Consider how many men watch porn (according to studies, it’s somewhere around 100%) and factor in the fact that the people who have seen you girlfriend naked will literally be everywhere you go. Most men would see an attractive woman who is way out of his league and would simply leave her alone or halfheartedly hit on her. But this man has seen your lady do the nasty so many times that through the transitive property of the horny male mind, he has a shot with her no matter his looks, location, or social status.
The fact that someone is a porn star is often misconstrued by men as “she’ll be most likely to have sex with me because it is her job, after all.” And while you may be basking in the thought of sleeping with one; you probably couldn’t be more off-base. But, if you were dating an adult actress, men would hit on her everywhere she went. Of course this happens with every beautiful woman, but coupled with the delusion that every guy that hits on her in a grocery store probably thinks shes going to immediately take them to their car and change their life sexually in the back row of the Trader Joe’s parking lot–you have a makings of a potentially volatile situation every time you go out in public.
You are going to get into fights with other dudes
No guy likes when other dudes are creeping on his girlfriend, but when guys at in the line at 7-11 start using the opening line “I’d like to give you like a footlong? And it’s not the one in my hand…” What the hell are you supposed to do? Obviously, you would have to confront the guy. But can you blame him? That was an awesome line and I mean come on, when is this guy gonna get another chance to use a gem like that? Answer: Probably never.
But that’s your girl. You have to do the “Hey, Buddy. Who you talking to?” routine and more than likely a scuffle of some sort will end with either fisticuffs or an exchange of sharp language in the parking lot. And this would happen all the damn time. Everywhere you go someone will say something crude or grab her ass. In simple terms: The inappropriate level that your woman brings out in people of the general public will be off the damn charts. So go out and purchase a pair of boxing gloves, a Bowflex, and the most comprehensive health insurance plan that you can afford; you are going to need to be fit and ready to fight at all times.
Everything she does will be “well documented”
It’s not like she used to be stripper and you can maybe keep a lid on or keep a low profile. Once you go into porn, you are always in porn. There will be pictures, films and websites all devoted to her and what she does for a living floating around for the rest of time. It is the least discreet occupation a person can have. And it will more than likely be an inescapable part of her life. If you decided at some point that you wanted to move somewhere and get a fresh start, you’d still probably find people that knew who your girlfriend was. The internet is, like, everywhere. They even have it in Delaware.
She will be probably be hot. People will notice that. They will whisper to each other . . . . .
Many adult film actresses have had ample work done on their faces and maybe boosted a few key areas with some silicone during their time in the Valley. How you look on camera is more important than anything else in the porn industry. So other men and women are going to notice her as you are out and about. Not all of them, but enough to catch you attention and maybe make you a little paranoid. It’s the good kind of paranoid until you realize what people are thinking about when they see her. Probably most embarrassing if she has had some work done on her chest area and the stewardess mentions flotation devices and everyone looks at your girlfriend’s chest and whispers, “Well, she’ll ain’t drowning.”
You will almost never want to talk about her day when she gets home from work
No guy ever wants to ask, “Hey Beautiful, what did you do at work today?” and hear “An entire football team.” That talk your girlfriend has about the bitchy girl in her office is annoying, certainly. But it probably can’t compare to hearing your porn star girlfriend talking about how she can’t see out of her right eye due to Johnny Sinz’s errant aim.
Shame
I said before that I personally don’t think of adult film stars as bad or sinful people. However, a lot of people you encounter on a day-to-day basis do. The stigma of having sex for a living is still a very touchy (no pun intended) subject. And by that, I mean, most people (guessing mostly female in nature) will judge your girlfriend adversely once they find out what she does for a living. She will probably be called a slut or a whore behind your/her back at most turns and when she is dressed for work…people will know what she does. They just will. Nobody dresses like that at 2 pm on a Tuesday afternoon.
Is it embarrassing? Well, that would be up to you. Some people wouldn’t let the situation affect them, but I’m guessing sometimes you’d feel a bit ashamed. Sure, sex is great and we live in liberated times, but if your lady’s number of sexual partners possibly numbers into the hundreds…well, sex is supposed to be a shared bond between two people (maybe three if you get her drunk enough). But, if you love this person and don’t care about anything else, then you aren’t worried about people staring and whispering when they see her. I congratulate you and can say without question that you are a better and more progressive man than I. Love conquers all. However, good luck telling Grandma what your lady did in her last project “Blondes Under the Big Top 4: Clowns on Patrol” during Thanksgiving dinner.
People are going to want pictures and autographs from her
This is probably going to be uncomfortable and borderline inappropriate. “Can I see your piercings?” and “Will you sign my ass?” and “Now, tell me this isn’t the biggest one you’ve ever seen?” will become the questions you will start to hear in your sleep.
She will have award shows and film openings that you will have to go to
Imagine a room filled to the brim with people from the adult film industry. Men and women of various shapes and color all coming together to celebrate their achievements in the film industry. You look around and maybe take a few laps with your lady. Now, when you meet guys from her past, you sometimes get “the look.” That look is basically a guy insinuating that he’s shared a bed with your girlfriend in a Biblical sense. It’s the worst look a guy can give another guy. Now, imagine the next 3 hours of your life, where you go up and shake someones hand and every time you do, you get that look. And remember, in this situation it’s not just men who give you that look. And while that fact is kinda sexy, I imagine that you would probably just drink heavily and try not to ask too many questions.
And then you realize that “the look” isn’t the worse thing that could happen to you tonight. You ask yourself, “I wonder how many of these people have slept with my girlfriend” and then an hour later you have that question is passionately answered on a 30 foot movie screen as a room full of people watch and cheer the screams of your one-and-only in the throws of passion with one or several strangers. Not a fun prospect.
(Guyism)
Which One Of These Are You . . . . .
The Top 10 Types of Guys in a Strip Club
1. Bobby Bucks
There's a party in Bobby's lap. He's got a girl on each knee; five crowd around his dime-sized table, drinking champagne and laughing uproariously at his not very funny jokes. Other guys look at him and wonder, "What does that guy have that I don't?" Hint: it's green and it's snaking its way into the g-string of all of Bobby's girls.
2. Fetish Frank
He sits at the edge of the stage with a look in his eye that is hungrier than other guys. The word gets passed around in the dressing room, "Frank wants to suck your shoe." Most guys want to fuck to girls -- Frank wants to fuck feet. Or armpit. Or he wants to get fucked. As in, "Fuck you Frank. You're a fucking loser." I always wonder how Frank got so fucked up.
3. Jack & Jill
Jill giggles as she sits in a corner with her boyfriend Jack. "You like girls?" Jack asks as I pass. "Dance for my girlfriend." Jill turns pink and giggles some more as I suggestively wave my ass in her face. Jack and Jill are looking for Little Miss Muffet so they could eat her.
4. Hymie Hassid
And on the seventh day, Hymie rested in a strip club, had a Heineken, and got a hard-on.
5. Sad Dad
Sad Dad wants you to have a drink with him so he could tell you all about his divorce and show you pictures of his kids whom he never gets to see. He hasn't had sex in a year and his mom is dying and he just turned 46 and he just got laid off and he's going to therapy to heal his inner child.
6. Brad and Bernie's Best Bromance
Brad wants you to dance for Bernie. Bernie wants you to dance for Brad. They're best buds. They drink Bud. They watch the game. They talk up girls. They should be conjoined twins.
7. Sammy and the Seven Dwarfs
Also known as the Bachelor Party. Lessee, there's Happy, Horny, Bashful, Grumpy, Doc, Dopey, and Dickhead. And they all want to fuck Sammy up. It's vindictive, actually, a blood sport. See Sammy drink his sixtieth shot. See Sammy go through an assembly line of lap dances. See Sammy get picked on and pelted with peanuts. By the end of the night, Sammy can't wait to get married so his wife can protect him from those evil dwarfs.
8. Norman Bates
He's quiet. Really quiet. So you're surprised when he slips you a five and asks you to sit with him. He buys you a drink. He doesn't look at you. He tells you the place has changed since he was last here. Five years ago. Before he went to jail. For killing his mother. And his sister. And his girlfriend. And his little dog. He's a nice guy, really.
9. Grandpa Bill
He's 93 and he has hardly any hair and hardly any natural teeth, but he still gets a hard on. His rumpled suit has grease stains and dates from 1975. The girl sitting with him could be his great-granddaughter and she's trying to ignore his hand, which has a way of creeping up her knee.
10. Sting
'Nuff said.
(BroBible)
1. Bobby Bucks
There's a party in Bobby's lap. He's got a girl on each knee; five crowd around his dime-sized table, drinking champagne and laughing uproariously at his not very funny jokes. Other guys look at him and wonder, "What does that guy have that I don't?" Hint: it's green and it's snaking its way into the g-string of all of Bobby's girls.
2. Fetish Frank
He sits at the edge of the stage with a look in his eye that is hungrier than other guys. The word gets passed around in the dressing room, "Frank wants to suck your shoe." Most guys want to fuck to girls -- Frank wants to fuck feet. Or armpit. Or he wants to get fucked. As in, "Fuck you Frank. You're a fucking loser." I always wonder how Frank got so fucked up.
3. Jack & Jill
Jill giggles as she sits in a corner with her boyfriend Jack. "You like girls?" Jack asks as I pass. "Dance for my girlfriend." Jill turns pink and giggles some more as I suggestively wave my ass in her face. Jack and Jill are looking for Little Miss Muffet so they could eat her.
4. Hymie Hassid
And on the seventh day, Hymie rested in a strip club, had a Heineken, and got a hard-on.
5. Sad Dad
Sad Dad wants you to have a drink with him so he could tell you all about his divorce and show you pictures of his kids whom he never gets to see. He hasn't had sex in a year and his mom is dying and he just turned 46 and he just got laid off and he's going to therapy to heal his inner child.
6. Brad and Bernie's Best Bromance
Brad wants you to dance for Bernie. Bernie wants you to dance for Brad. They're best buds. They drink Bud. They watch the game. They talk up girls. They should be conjoined twins.
7. Sammy and the Seven Dwarfs
Also known as the Bachelor Party. Lessee, there's Happy, Horny, Bashful, Grumpy, Doc, Dopey, and Dickhead. And they all want to fuck Sammy up. It's vindictive, actually, a blood sport. See Sammy drink his sixtieth shot. See Sammy go through an assembly line of lap dances. See Sammy get picked on and pelted with peanuts. By the end of the night, Sammy can't wait to get married so his wife can protect him from those evil dwarfs.
8. Norman Bates
He's quiet. Really quiet. So you're surprised when he slips you a five and asks you to sit with him. He buys you a drink. He doesn't look at you. He tells you the place has changed since he was last here. Five years ago. Before he went to jail. For killing his mother. And his sister. And his girlfriend. And his little dog. He's a nice guy, really.
9. Grandpa Bill
He's 93 and he has hardly any hair and hardly any natural teeth, but he still gets a hard on. His rumpled suit has grease stains and dates from 1975. The girl sitting with him could be his great-granddaughter and she's trying to ignore his hand, which has a way of creeping up her knee.
10. Sting
'Nuff said.
(BroBible)
She's Got My Vote . . . . .
Who Would You Rather? 'Real Housewives of Orange County' Cougar Edition
Gretchen Rossi
Vote here (BroBible)
Gretchen Rossi
Vote here (BroBible)
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