(Imgur)
February 22, 2010
Like Any Other Stimulant The Stronger The Better . . . . .
Strongest beer title 'reclaimed with Sink the Bismarck'
A controversial Scottish brewery has said it has reclaimed the title of the world's strongest beer from German rivals - with Sink the Bismarck at 41%.
"BrewDog, of Fraserburgh, made headlines last year when it unveiled a 32% beer called Tactical Nuclear Penguin.
However, Schorschbrau released the 40% strength Schorschbock.
BrewDog said its newly released 41%, Sink the Bismarck, would cost £40 for a 330ml bottle and would only be sold online."
(BBC)
A controversial Scottish brewery has said it has reclaimed the title of the world's strongest beer from German rivals - with Sink the Bismarck at 41%.
"BrewDog, of Fraserburgh, made headlines last year when it unveiled a 32% beer called Tactical Nuclear Penguin.
However, Schorschbrau released the 40% strength Schorschbock.
BrewDog said its newly released 41%, Sink the Bismarck, would cost £40 for a 330ml bottle and would only be sold online."
(BBC)
Here Some More Ways To Make Her Want You More Often . . . . .
Her Three Orgasm Trigger Points
**ORGASM TRIGGER POINT #1: THE CLITORIS**
Happy Fact: Most men know about the clitoris, but tend to be a little clumsy and inept when stimulating it. And it’s easy to see why: In most women the clitoris is smaller than a grain of rice, and it’s hidden within her vagina.
What’s more, there literally hundreds of thousands of nerve endings in the clitoris, making it BY FAR the most sensitive spot of the female anatomy. And while there are spots on her body which produce more powerful orgasms, the clitoris is the easiest and most reliable way to make her orgasm.
THE KEY to giving her orgasms with the clitoris is FINESSE. Remember, the clitoris is INCREDIBLY SENSITIVE, and a tiny, tiny difference in the way you’re stimulating her can be the difference between orgasms and pain for her.
Rule of thumb: when you’re giving her clitoral stimulation with your fingers, or through oral sex: start out incredibly SOFTLY, and gradually work your way up to harder and harder stimulation. Most men make the mistake of having one single, constant speed at which they give her clitoral stimulation. The problem with this is that when she’s not yet very aroused, the clit is so super-sensitive that even a medium pressure of stimulation doesn’t feel good. You have to go VERY softly at first, and as she gets more aroused, use more and more pressure.
When she’s approaching orgasm, this is when you can start to give her harder and more forceful clitoral stimulation. She can handle it when she’s this turned on, and it’s what’s going to drive her over the edge and make her finish.
There are MANY different techniques that you can use with your fingers, tongue, or with a sex toy to give her a variety of unique orgasms through clitoral stimulation. My students’ favorite one in the Sex God Method seems to be the “Clitoral Circle Climax” technique. If you’d like to learn more about this and my other techniques to give her orgasms, check out the link below:
**ORGASM TRIGGER POINT #2: THE G-SPOT**
The g-spot is located on the frontal wall of her vagina, about two inches deep. You can tell you’re touching it because it feels slightly rougher than the rest of her vagina.
Although it can be a little harder to give her orgasms with the g-spot than with the clitoris, the plus side is that the g-spot can produce some incredibly powerful, full-body shaking orgasms. It’s also the source of the visually spectacular female squirting orgasm.
THE FIRST KEY is when you’re using your fingers, you want to make her to stimulate her by inserting two fingers inside her vagina until you’re touching her g-spot, then making a “come here” motion with your fingers. Be sure that she’s turned on first, and that you don’t have rough fingernails which could be painful for her.
When she’s turned on, she can enjoy surprisingly hard stimulation to her g-spot … in fact, it’ll be required towards to end to make her orgasm like this.
THE SECOND KEY to giving her orgasms with the g-spot is to use sex positions that stimulate the g-spot during intercourse. This is a surefire way to get her orgasming like crazy from being penetrated. In the Sex God Method, I give the 3 best positions for g-spot sex and show you exactly how to make her finish with each. I can’t give you all three in this article, but I will give you one that you can try tonight:
Lay her on her back, and penetrate her. Then, lean back so that she’s laying down and you’re upright, penetrating her at a 90 degree angle. Take her legs, and bend them up until both of them are against your chest. Hug both legs close to your chest with your arms. Then, start thrusting into her.
This position provides some VERY intense g-spot stimulation, and can give her those intense full-body orgasms.
**ORGASM TRIGGER POINT #3: THE A-SPOT**
The A-spot is less well known than the g-spot and the clitoris, but it’s just as powerful as both of these. It’s located very deep inside her vagina, close to her cervix. While most women enjoy a-spot stimulation in the front of her vagina, there are some who enjoy a-spot stimulation to the back of her vagina as well.
While the a-spot is the hardest of all three to access, it produces the MOST intense orgasms.
THE KEY is that when you start to feel her vagina start to contract in orgasm, KEEP GIVING HER FIRM STIMULATION.
To access her a-spot, you’re probably going to have to insert your fingers as deep into her vagina as possible (unless you have exceptionally long fingers.) Spread them slightly apart, and rub them firmly against the front of the a-spot. When she’s about to have an orgasm you’ll feel the muscles in her vagina start to contract – it’ll feel like it’s about to snap your fingers off. BUT KEEP GOING when this happens, and she’ll have intense orgasms.
** WARNING – NONE OF THESE “SPOTS” WORK UNLESS… **
I’ve shown you the three most common “orgasm trigger points” on her body because I think it’s something every man needs to know to give women orgasms. But I have to warn you…just stimulating these “spots” alone will NOT make her cum!
(TSBMagazine)
**ORGASM TRIGGER POINT #1: THE CLITORIS**
Happy Fact: Most men know about the clitoris, but tend to be a little clumsy and inept when stimulating it. And it’s easy to see why: In most women the clitoris is smaller than a grain of rice, and it’s hidden within her vagina.
What’s more, there literally hundreds of thousands of nerve endings in the clitoris, making it BY FAR the most sensitive spot of the female anatomy. And while there are spots on her body which produce more powerful orgasms, the clitoris is the easiest and most reliable way to make her orgasm.
THE KEY to giving her orgasms with the clitoris is FINESSE. Remember, the clitoris is INCREDIBLY SENSITIVE, and a tiny, tiny difference in the way you’re stimulating her can be the difference between orgasms and pain for her.
Rule of thumb: when you’re giving her clitoral stimulation with your fingers, or through oral sex: start out incredibly SOFTLY, and gradually work your way up to harder and harder stimulation. Most men make the mistake of having one single, constant speed at which they give her clitoral stimulation. The problem with this is that when she’s not yet very aroused, the clit is so super-sensitive that even a medium pressure of stimulation doesn’t feel good. You have to go VERY softly at first, and as she gets more aroused, use more and more pressure.
When she’s approaching orgasm, this is when you can start to give her harder and more forceful clitoral stimulation. She can handle it when she’s this turned on, and it’s what’s going to drive her over the edge and make her finish.
There are MANY different techniques that you can use with your fingers, tongue, or with a sex toy to give her a variety of unique orgasms through clitoral stimulation. My students’ favorite one in the Sex God Method seems to be the “Clitoral Circle Climax” technique. If you’d like to learn more about this and my other techniques to give her orgasms, check out the link below:
**ORGASM TRIGGER POINT #2: THE G-SPOT**
The g-spot is located on the frontal wall of her vagina, about two inches deep. You can tell you’re touching it because it feels slightly rougher than the rest of her vagina.
Although it can be a little harder to give her orgasms with the g-spot than with the clitoris, the plus side is that the g-spot can produce some incredibly powerful, full-body shaking orgasms. It’s also the source of the visually spectacular female squirting orgasm.
THE FIRST KEY is when you’re using your fingers, you want to make her to stimulate her by inserting two fingers inside her vagina until you’re touching her g-spot, then making a “come here” motion with your fingers. Be sure that she’s turned on first, and that you don’t have rough fingernails which could be painful for her.
When she’s turned on, she can enjoy surprisingly hard stimulation to her g-spot … in fact, it’ll be required towards to end to make her orgasm like this.
THE SECOND KEY to giving her orgasms with the g-spot is to use sex positions that stimulate the g-spot during intercourse. This is a surefire way to get her orgasming like crazy from being penetrated. In the Sex God Method, I give the 3 best positions for g-spot sex and show you exactly how to make her finish with each. I can’t give you all three in this article, but I will give you one that you can try tonight:
Lay her on her back, and penetrate her. Then, lean back so that she’s laying down and you’re upright, penetrating her at a 90 degree angle. Take her legs, and bend them up until both of them are against your chest. Hug both legs close to your chest with your arms. Then, start thrusting into her.
This position provides some VERY intense g-spot stimulation, and can give her those intense full-body orgasms.
**ORGASM TRIGGER POINT #3: THE A-SPOT**
The A-spot is less well known than the g-spot and the clitoris, but it’s just as powerful as both of these. It’s located very deep inside her vagina, close to her cervix. While most women enjoy a-spot stimulation in the front of her vagina, there are some who enjoy a-spot stimulation to the back of her vagina as well.
While the a-spot is the hardest of all three to access, it produces the MOST intense orgasms.
THE KEY is that when you start to feel her vagina start to contract in orgasm, KEEP GIVING HER FIRM STIMULATION.
To access her a-spot, you’re probably going to have to insert your fingers as deep into her vagina as possible (unless you have exceptionally long fingers.) Spread them slightly apart, and rub them firmly against the front of the a-spot. When she’s about to have an orgasm you’ll feel the muscles in her vagina start to contract – it’ll feel like it’s about to snap your fingers off. BUT KEEP GOING when this happens, and she’ll have intense orgasms.
** WARNING – NONE OF THESE “SPOTS” WORK UNLESS… **
I’ve shown you the three most common “orgasm trigger points” on her body because I think it’s something every man needs to know to give women orgasms. But I have to warn you…just stimulating these “spots” alone will NOT make her cum!
(TSBMagazine)
Keep An Eye On Her . . . . .
Hump Day Q&A: I’ll Let Connie Kuo Control the Radio
"The guys at HotNewHipHop.com not only have an ear for the latest music, they also have an eye for talent. Their newest correspondent is Connie Kuo, a recent graduate of USC with a wealth of knowledge in music, a ton of ambition and, as you can see, a stunningly sexy look. When Connie isn’t sitting down with your teenage niece’s favorite rapper, Soulja Boy, this Taiwanese beauty enjoying the Southern California sun — at least she was when we were lucky enough to talk to her."
(TSBMagazine)
"The guys at HotNewHipHop.com not only have an ear for the latest music, they also have an eye for talent. Their newest correspondent is Connie Kuo, a recent graduate of USC with a wealth of knowledge in music, a ton of ambition and, as you can see, a stunningly sexy look. When Connie isn’t sitting down with your teenage niece’s favorite rapper, Soulja Boy, this Taiwanese beauty enjoying the Southern California sun — at least she was when we were lucky enough to talk to her."
(TSBMagazine)
Another Gimmicky Attempt To Boost Your Manliness . . . . .
How to: Build Your Alcohol Tolerance
PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT
You need to start drinking a lot more often. You also need to increase the amount of drinks you consume each time by a little bit. I would say to start increasing maybe every week. For example: if you can only handle 3 shots per night, take those 3 shots each night (or as many nights as possible) for a week. The next week take 4 shots per night. The following week take 4 shots and a beer. Try to stick to the same drinks, and once you start building up a tolerance to those drinks, then move to other drinks. Little by little your tolerance will increase and it will show. If you rush and try to drink too much too fast, then you will get drunk quickly and you will probably puke. I am not the smartest guy but puking in front of people, especially girls, is not a good thing. Take your time when increasing your tolerance. There is plenty of time since you are in college. By working slow, you will beat your friends in drinking games and show girls how a true man drinks in no time.
WORKING OUT
Working out is a big key too. Getting bigger and building muscle is a huge way to build your tolerance. By getting bigger, your body can handle more alcohol. Remember to build muscle. Do not get skinny because you will then not be able to drink more. If you notice, majority of the muscular guys can handle more alcohol. Get to the gym and start working out.
EATING
Another key to building your tolerance is to have a decent size meal before you go and drink. Proteins, fats, and carbohydrates help slow the process of getting drunk. If you drink on an empty stomach, then you are more likely to get drunk faster. What happens is, when you have food in your stomach, the food absorbs some of the alcohol so your liver has less alcohol to filter. Also, less alcohol is absorbed into the small intestine. This means that you can drink more because your liver will be able to filter more alcohol. When drinking on an empty stomach, the alcohol passes the stomach and goes right to the small intestine. This is a problem because the small intestine will absorb all of the alcohol which will get you drunk quicker. Also, it is known that drinking on an empty stomach is a horrible idea because alcohol is known to destroy your stomach lining.
WATER
Drinking a glass of water every time you have a drink will also help build your tolerance. It will also help save you from the morning killer, the hangover. Drinking water and alcoholic drinks will make you pee more, but it is a side effect to helping you drink more and help you build your tolerance.
(TheCampusThrone)
PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT
You need to start drinking a lot more often. You also need to increase the amount of drinks you consume each time by a little bit. I would say to start increasing maybe every week. For example: if you can only handle 3 shots per night, take those 3 shots each night (or as many nights as possible) for a week. The next week take 4 shots per night. The following week take 4 shots and a beer. Try to stick to the same drinks, and once you start building up a tolerance to those drinks, then move to other drinks. Little by little your tolerance will increase and it will show. If you rush and try to drink too much too fast, then you will get drunk quickly and you will probably puke. I am not the smartest guy but puking in front of people, especially girls, is not a good thing. Take your time when increasing your tolerance. There is plenty of time since you are in college. By working slow, you will beat your friends in drinking games and show girls how a true man drinks in no time.
WORKING OUT
Working out is a big key too. Getting bigger and building muscle is a huge way to build your tolerance. By getting bigger, your body can handle more alcohol. Remember to build muscle. Do not get skinny because you will then not be able to drink more. If you notice, majority of the muscular guys can handle more alcohol. Get to the gym and start working out.
EATING
Another key to building your tolerance is to have a decent size meal before you go and drink. Proteins, fats, and carbohydrates help slow the process of getting drunk. If you drink on an empty stomach, then you are more likely to get drunk faster. What happens is, when you have food in your stomach, the food absorbs some of the alcohol so your liver has less alcohol to filter. Also, less alcohol is absorbed into the small intestine. This means that you can drink more because your liver will be able to filter more alcohol. When drinking on an empty stomach, the alcohol passes the stomach and goes right to the small intestine. This is a problem because the small intestine will absorb all of the alcohol which will get you drunk quicker. Also, it is known that drinking on an empty stomach is a horrible idea because alcohol is known to destroy your stomach lining.
WATER
Drinking a glass of water every time you have a drink will also help build your tolerance. It will also help save you from the morning killer, the hangover. Drinking water and alcoholic drinks will make you pee more, but it is a side effect to helping you drink more and help you build your tolerance.
(TheCampusThrone)
Some More Useless Strip Club Etiquette Information . . . . .
Girl Talk: Strip Club Etiquette From A Stripper
WOMEN
1. Relax. I’m here for your entertainment. I have exactly zero interest in your date/boyfriend/husband. His wallet interests me, and, to access it, I’ll be interested in keeping you happy and in the club. Don’t look at strippers as adversaries, but rather as fun boner facilitators! If you don’t want to come to the club in the first place, stand up for yourself at home and make it clear to your lesser half that he should come up with a better idea for a wacky date.
2. Stay off the dance floor. At one club I loved, when a female customer stood up to dance at her table, the DJ would remind her over the PA that “dancing at this club is done only by the professionals. If you are not working for this club, please sit down.” At best, it’s goofy and you look silly. At worst, you’re stealing attention and potential tip dollars from the dancers.
3. Tip, please. A couple is two customers, not one, and having a vagina doesn’t exempt you from tipping me. If you’re occupying stage-side seats, observe at least the bare minimum dollar-per-song-per-seat tip rule. If you’re seated away from the stage, but obviously watching the dancer, tip her.
4. Don’t get grabby. The rules are the same for you as they are for male customers. Dancers will let you know if female customers are allowed different touching privileges —in what I think is a generally misguided attempt to get the guys to spend more money. If you want to touch, observe, ask, and follow. If you don’t, ask dancers to back off a bit. It’s all business, and our feelings won’t be hurt.
5. I am not your unicorn. Do you see a shiny white horn sticking out of my head? No. That’s because I’m not going to come home with you to fulfill your bi-curiosity, or let you make good on that promise to your husband that you’d have a threesome with him. If I am and if I will, trust me, you’ll know, because I’m a stripper and therefore not terribly shy.
(N.B.: If you are a lesbian, disregard all of the above and follow the dude rules. This is not because I think you’re like a man, but because your primary sexual preference is for women, and therefore we know you’re not a tourist in the land of nude women. You have been to this country and like it. Unless, of course, you’re newly out, and you ask me, like one sweet, still-confused girl did recently, “Do you know your sexual orientation?”)
MEN
1. Dress code. For the love of God, don’t wear sweatpants, athletic shorts, or thin pants with an obvious lack of underwear. There’s one of two situations you’re getting into: It’s not that kind of place, and your dancer will stay far away from your sweatpants boner, or it is that kind of place, and the kind of pants you wear don’t matter.
2. Tip like a baller. Remember that, yes, it’s about the money, and tip accordingly. If you aren’t prepared to simultaneously enjoy yourself and pay us—just like a massage therapist, hairdresser, or any other personal service provider—stay home. In all clubs, we pay to work there and anywhere from 15 to 50 percent of the take goes to the club. Covering that cut with generous tips for our private dances, stage shows, or champagne rooms will endear you to us endlessly and guarantee preferential treatment.
3. Ask for permission, not forgiveness. No one is ever so naked or so friendly that her consent doesn’t matter, and this applies in commercial interactions just as much as it does in personal ones. “Family Guy” episodes and Bloodhound Gang songs aside, your stripper is a performer and a human being who’ll tell you yes or no. The bottom line is the bottom line. Customers will often spend more if they can touch, so we’ll make sure you know when, where, and for how much.
4. Don’t ask for sexual acts. I’m not going to lie, in some places there is sex in the champagne room. Not in most strip clubs, but in some, and if it’s available, you’ll know, because it will be offered to you at a high, high price. If it’s not, you might have a pissed-off stripper or bouncer to contend with, especially in areas where vice stings are known to happen. And I’m not going to give any advice on how to do illegal things, but think with the big head. Don’t get yourself ripped off or rolled because you’re drunk and horny and believe anything.
5. Observe club norms. If everyone is setting tips down on the edge of the stage, don’t try to stick a dollar bill in the dancer’s thong. If they’re sliding bills into garters, you may not want to “make it rain.” I hate it when guys ball up bills and toss them at the stage, but, in some locales, due to minimum distance rules, it’s the normal way to tip dancers on stage. There are club rule variations from state to state, city to city, and club to club. Watch a little before participating.
Don’t be afraid to ask us anything. That’s what we’re here for! And, I really would love to go out with you, it’s just that I am so busy with nursing and real estate school right now, and also my 3-year-old, and rehab, and the trailer remodel, and my boyfriend’s almost out on parole . . . . .
(TheFrisky)
WOMEN
1. Relax. I’m here for your entertainment. I have exactly zero interest in your date/boyfriend/husband. His wallet interests me, and, to access it, I’ll be interested in keeping you happy and in the club. Don’t look at strippers as adversaries, but rather as fun boner facilitators! If you don’t want to come to the club in the first place, stand up for yourself at home and make it clear to your lesser half that he should come up with a better idea for a wacky date.
2. Stay off the dance floor. At one club I loved, when a female customer stood up to dance at her table, the DJ would remind her over the PA that “dancing at this club is done only by the professionals. If you are not working for this club, please sit down.” At best, it’s goofy and you look silly. At worst, you’re stealing attention and potential tip dollars from the dancers.
3. Tip, please. A couple is two customers, not one, and having a vagina doesn’t exempt you from tipping me. If you’re occupying stage-side seats, observe at least the bare minimum dollar-per-song-per-seat tip rule. If you’re seated away from the stage, but obviously watching the dancer, tip her.
4. Don’t get grabby. The rules are the same for you as they are for male customers. Dancers will let you know if female customers are allowed different touching privileges —in what I think is a generally misguided attempt to get the guys to spend more money. If you want to touch, observe, ask, and follow. If you don’t, ask dancers to back off a bit. It’s all business, and our feelings won’t be hurt.
5. I am not your unicorn. Do you see a shiny white horn sticking out of my head? No. That’s because I’m not going to come home with you to fulfill your bi-curiosity, or let you make good on that promise to your husband that you’d have a threesome with him. If I am and if I will, trust me, you’ll know, because I’m a stripper and therefore not terribly shy.
(N.B.: If you are a lesbian, disregard all of the above and follow the dude rules. This is not because I think you’re like a man, but because your primary sexual preference is for women, and therefore we know you’re not a tourist in the land of nude women. You have been to this country and like it. Unless, of course, you’re newly out, and you ask me, like one sweet, still-confused girl did recently, “Do you know your sexual orientation?”)
MEN
1. Dress code. For the love of God, don’t wear sweatpants, athletic shorts, or thin pants with an obvious lack of underwear. There’s one of two situations you’re getting into: It’s not that kind of place, and your dancer will stay far away from your sweatpants boner, or it is that kind of place, and the kind of pants you wear don’t matter.
2. Tip like a baller. Remember that, yes, it’s about the money, and tip accordingly. If you aren’t prepared to simultaneously enjoy yourself and pay us—just like a massage therapist, hairdresser, or any other personal service provider—stay home. In all clubs, we pay to work there and anywhere from 15 to 50 percent of the take goes to the club. Covering that cut with generous tips for our private dances, stage shows, or champagne rooms will endear you to us endlessly and guarantee preferential treatment.
3. Ask for permission, not forgiveness. No one is ever so naked or so friendly that her consent doesn’t matter, and this applies in commercial interactions just as much as it does in personal ones. “Family Guy” episodes and Bloodhound Gang songs aside, your stripper is a performer and a human being who’ll tell you yes or no. The bottom line is the bottom line. Customers will often spend more if they can touch, so we’ll make sure you know when, where, and for how much.
4. Don’t ask for sexual acts. I’m not going to lie, in some places there is sex in the champagne room. Not in most strip clubs, but in some, and if it’s available, you’ll know, because it will be offered to you at a high, high price. If it’s not, you might have a pissed-off stripper or bouncer to contend with, especially in areas where vice stings are known to happen. And I’m not going to give any advice on how to do illegal things, but think with the big head. Don’t get yourself ripped off or rolled because you’re drunk and horny and believe anything.
5. Observe club norms. If everyone is setting tips down on the edge of the stage, don’t try to stick a dollar bill in the dancer’s thong. If they’re sliding bills into garters, you may not want to “make it rain.” I hate it when guys ball up bills and toss them at the stage, but, in some locales, due to minimum distance rules, it’s the normal way to tip dancers on stage. There are club rule variations from state to state, city to city, and club to club. Watch a little before participating.
Don’t be afraid to ask us anything. That’s what we’re here for! And, I really would love to go out with you, it’s just that I am so busy with nursing and real estate school right now, and also my 3-year-old, and rehab, and the trailer remodel, and my boyfriend’s almost out on parole . . . . .
(TheFrisky)
Questions That Will Lead You To A Court And The Poorhouse . . . . .
10 Things NOT to Say to Your Bride on the Wedding Day
1.) So, do you think we’ll last?
2.) Was the dress not available in your size?
3.) I know you said my ex couldn’t come to the actual wedding, but I seriously thought it was OK if she came to the reception.
4.) Wait, I was supposed to actually memorize those vow things? I thought that was a joke.
5.) Seriously. How many dudes have you slept with? I’ve got a bet with your dad.
6.) Have you given any thought yet to any of the meals you’ll be cooking me over the next 60 years?
7.) Honey, I know it’s not the best time… but there’s something I really need to tell you about the bachelor party.
8.) Can the cake cutting wait for a minute or two? I’ve gotta go re-fill my flask.
9.) Wow. That bridesmaid dress really brings out your sister’s rack.
10.) Please don’t end up like your mother.
(GroomsAdvice)
1.) So, do you think we’ll last?
2.) Was the dress not available in your size?
3.) I know you said my ex couldn’t come to the actual wedding, but I seriously thought it was OK if she came to the reception.
4.) Wait, I was supposed to actually memorize those vow things? I thought that was a joke.
5.) Seriously. How many dudes have you slept with? I’ve got a bet with your dad.
6.) Have you given any thought yet to any of the meals you’ll be cooking me over the next 60 years?
7.) Honey, I know it’s not the best time… but there’s something I really need to tell you about the bachelor party.
8.) Can the cake cutting wait for a minute or two? I’ve gotta go re-fill my flask.
9.) Wow. That bridesmaid dress really brings out your sister’s rack.
10.) Please don’t end up like your mother.
(GroomsAdvice)
To Train Them To Be Responsible Adults You Have To Start At An Early Age. . . . ..
Kidsbeer - Beer For The Drastically Underage
"What kid wouldn’t like a cold, frosty brew after a long day of playing on the monkey bars and taking naps? Only in a Japan could a company market a beer-esque product to small children. Obviously this guarana-based drink is non-alcoholic but I mean this isn’t much different than me cracking open an O’Douls for my hypothetical son."
(TastyBooze)
"What kid wouldn’t like a cold, frosty brew after a long day of playing on the monkey bars and taking naps? Only in a Japan could a company market a beer-esque product to small children. Obviously this guarana-based drink is non-alcoholic but I mean this isn’t much different than me cracking open an O’Douls for my hypothetical son."
(TastyBooze)
So More Signs That You Might Get Lucky With Her Tonite . . . . .
Will I get laid based on what panties she’s wearing?
Granny Panties – “I look like shit because I’m on my period, don’t touch me. Also you won’t get laid tonight. Hell, even the thought of blowing you right now makes me sick. Rub my swollen feet.”
Boy Shorts – “I need to run some errands today, but I’m down to cruise by for a quickie at lunch.”
Thongs – “I’m going out tonight with the girls. If I don’t come home it’s because another man is putting his penis in me.”
Low Rise – “I really want to go to the gym, but if you do something awesome for me, I might play a few rounds of Wii fit (while you watch).”
Crotchless – “I’m ovulating like a mother fucker. Please take a viagra tonight.”
(RegretfulMorning)
Granny Panties – “I look like shit because I’m on my period, don’t touch me. Also you won’t get laid tonight. Hell, even the thought of blowing you right now makes me sick. Rub my swollen feet.”
Boy Shorts – “I need to run some errands today, but I’m down to cruise by for a quickie at lunch.”
Thongs – “I’m going out tonight with the girls. If I don’t come home it’s because another man is putting his penis in me.”
Low Rise – “I really want to go to the gym, but if you do something awesome for me, I might play a few rounds of Wii fit (while you watch).”
Crotchless – “I’m ovulating like a mother fucker. Please take a viagra tonight.”
(RegretfulMorning)
7 Obvious Signs Of The "Not" Girl . . . . .
7 Things That Make a Hot Girl, Not
Bad Teeth
Nothing will turn a boner inside out faster than a girl who’s sporting a set of Austin Powers teeth. How does the even happen?
*Tight ass? Check.
* Awesome rack? Check.
* Beautiful smile…gah WTF!?
Nasty Breath
This is actually universal, but since I have a penis, I will speak for the men. Ladies, holy fuck brush your teeth. If we take you out to pizza and you order garlic, you had better be sure that you’ve got tic tacs or gum in your purse. If not, then feel free to give us the cheek when we lean in and be like “Look bro, I want to kiss you too, but I’ve probably got some dragon breath after that pizza, so how bout you finger blast me for a minute and I’ll hook you up w/ a beej instead?”
Manly Voice /Abrasive Accent
Let’s get one thing straight. A raspy voice doesn’t mean manly. Demi Moore has a raspy voice and I’ve spunked to G.I. Jane audio more than once. A manly voice on the other hand is full of bass. The kind of bass that says “hey pussy, if we get a flat tire on this date, am I going to change it, or will you?” This is even more intimidating than Fran Drescher’s accent, but equally annoying.
Extreme/Hate Tattoos
Chick’s with tattoos are usually pretty sexy. While Rebel flag as a tramp stamp is still acceptable, a swastika is a bit extreme. If you stumble across one of these, and you’re horny enough to actually pursue her for a quick one nighter, we’d suggest that you skim through ‘Mein Kampf’ – just so you have something to talk about.
Smokers Hack
Remember when they used to use hot chicks in smoking ads? Then a few years and 70 cartons of Marlboro Reds later, they sounded like the Howard’s mom in Big Bang Theory. Kissing a chick who smokes is foul, watching her cough up a lung is disgusting, and having to remove a ventilator from her trachea just to get a beej is…well, inconvenient for one.
Digging in ass crack/Hygiene Fail
We don’t have to explain this one because we’ve got video evidence. Even if this shit is fake, we’ve all seen a chick pick a wedgie at least once. And we’re not talking about the sexy bikini bottom wedgie adjustment either.
Attention Whore
Take a decent looking girl like Snooki from Jersey Shore, and give her a mic. The part of you that was saying “I’d hit it” just moments ago will now be saying “I’d hit it…with a motherfucking Louisville Slugger.” The most ridiculous thing about an attention whore though, is the fact that we still give them attention.
(RegretfulMorning)
Bad Teeth
Nothing will turn a boner inside out faster than a girl who’s sporting a set of Austin Powers teeth. How does the even happen?
*Tight ass? Check.
* Awesome rack? Check.
* Beautiful smile…gah WTF!?
Nasty Breath
This is actually universal, but since I have a penis, I will speak for the men. Ladies, holy fuck brush your teeth. If we take you out to pizza and you order garlic, you had better be sure that you’ve got tic tacs or gum in your purse. If not, then feel free to give us the cheek when we lean in and be like “Look bro, I want to kiss you too, but I’ve probably got some dragon breath after that pizza, so how bout you finger blast me for a minute and I’ll hook you up w/ a beej instead?”
Manly Voice /Abrasive Accent
Let’s get one thing straight. A raspy voice doesn’t mean manly. Demi Moore has a raspy voice and I’ve spunked to G.I. Jane audio more than once. A manly voice on the other hand is full of bass. The kind of bass that says “hey pussy, if we get a flat tire on this date, am I going to change it, or will you?” This is even more intimidating than Fran Drescher’s accent, but equally annoying.
Extreme/Hate Tattoos
Chick’s with tattoos are usually pretty sexy. While Rebel flag as a tramp stamp is still acceptable, a swastika is a bit extreme. If you stumble across one of these, and you’re horny enough to actually pursue her for a quick one nighter, we’d suggest that you skim through ‘Mein Kampf’ – just so you have something to talk about.
Smokers Hack
Remember when they used to use hot chicks in smoking ads? Then a few years and 70 cartons of Marlboro Reds later, they sounded like the Howard’s mom in Big Bang Theory. Kissing a chick who smokes is foul, watching her cough up a lung is disgusting, and having to remove a ventilator from her trachea just to get a beej is…well, inconvenient for one.
Digging in ass crack/Hygiene Fail
We don’t have to explain this one because we’ve got video evidence. Even if this shit is fake, we’ve all seen a chick pick a wedgie at least once. And we’re not talking about the sexy bikini bottom wedgie adjustment either.
Attention Whore
Take a decent looking girl like Snooki from Jersey Shore, and give her a mic. The part of you that was saying “I’d hit it” just moments ago will now be saying “I’d hit it…with a motherfucking Louisville Slugger.” The most ridiculous thing about an attention whore though, is the fact that we still give them attention.
(RegretfulMorning)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
