Video: Fullerton's Gerard Anderson goes Vince Carter on CSUN
(Yahoo)
March 12, 2010
Some Staggering Madden 10 Statistics . . . . .
'Madden' is watching
You wouldn't believe how many interceptions Brett Favre threw online last season, and EA is counting every single one as they track online user data to help shape the direction of "Madden NFL 11."
"The average length of a "Madden NFL 10" game is 63 minutes, but only 17 minutes of this time is spent actually playing the game. The other 46 minutes are spent on things like calling plays, setting up audibles, making substitutions, and watching replays. Another crazy stat thrown out at the event is the fact that while most team playbooks offer an average of 330 plays, the average gamer only uses 13 plays per game."
(ESPN)
You wouldn't believe how many interceptions Brett Favre threw online last season, and EA is counting every single one as they track online user data to help shape the direction of "Madden NFL 11."
"The average length of a "Madden NFL 10" game is 63 minutes, but only 17 minutes of this time is spent actually playing the game. The other 46 minutes are spent on things like calling plays, setting up audibles, making substitutions, and watching replays. Another crazy stat thrown out at the event is the fact that while most team playbooks offer an average of 330 plays, the average gamer only uses 13 plays per game."
(ESPN)
They Also Use To Manufacture What Type Of Vehicle . . . . .
The Forgotten History of Automaker Tractors
"Ferruccio Lamborghini didn't start out as a builder of supercars. His first success came in the form of tractors and agricultural equipment. Here's a look at the long and illustrious history of automaker-built tractors."
More pictures here (Jalopnik)
"Ferruccio Lamborghini didn't start out as a builder of supercars. His first success came in the form of tractors and agricultural equipment. Here's a look at the long and illustrious history of automaker-built tractors."
More pictures here (Jalopnik)
A Small Business Loan Done Right . . . . .
Swedish porn film funded by taxpayers
"Dirty Diaries, a collection of 12 short pornographic films, shot by director Mia Engberg received 500,000 Sweden kronor (69,000 dollars, 48,000 euros) in public funds from the Swedish Film Institute.
"Porn has always been made by men for men," Engberg told AFP, explaining her reasoning for shooting the Dirty Diaries."
(SwedishWire)
"Dirty Diaries, a collection of 12 short pornographic films, shot by director Mia Engberg received 500,000 Sweden kronor (69,000 dollars, 48,000 euros) in public funds from the Swedish Film Institute.
"Porn has always been made by men for men," Engberg told AFP, explaining her reasoning for shooting the Dirty Diaries."
(SwedishWire)
A Small Upside To A Huge Downside . . . . .
Long-Term Smokers Have Reduced Risk of Parkinson's
"But smoking may still have at least one advantage: protection against the development of Parkinson's disease. A large-scale study published in Wednesday's online edition of the journal Neurology further bolsters the connection and concludes that the longer you smoke, the less likely you are to develop the illness.
In 2007, researchers at the Harvard School of Public Health analyzed 11 separate studies and concluded that cigarette smoking protected against Parkinson's but that benefits waned once a smoker quit. But the effect was a strong one: Smokers were 73 percent less likely to suffer from Parkinson's than those who'd never lit up.
The latest study, while showing less dramatic results, offers a larger sample of subjects and could yield new clues about the mechanism by which cigarettes improve the brain's resiliency to Parkinson's."
(AOL)
"But smoking may still have at least one advantage: protection against the development of Parkinson's disease. A large-scale study published in Wednesday's online edition of the journal Neurology further bolsters the connection and concludes that the longer you smoke, the less likely you are to develop the illness.
In 2007, researchers at the Harvard School of Public Health analyzed 11 separate studies and concluded that cigarette smoking protected against Parkinson's but that benefits waned once a smoker quit. But the effect was a strong one: Smokers were 73 percent less likely to suffer from Parkinson's than those who'd never lit up.
The latest study, while showing less dramatic results, offers a larger sample of subjects and could yield new clues about the mechanism by which cigarettes improve the brain's resiliency to Parkinson's."
(AOL)
Some More Crazy Foods From Around The Globe . . . . .
World’s Strangest Delicacies
Tacos de Chapulines (i.e. Grasshopper Tacos) – Mexico
Given enough Tequila, I think I would certainly indulge in one of these once-happy-hopping, crunchy delights. Restaurant critic Robert Sietsema describes them as “meaty, crispy and strangely addictive” and, if you keep your eyes closed, “aren’t all that different from say, pork tidbits”. They are also highly nutritious, low in fat and contain pound for pound, twice the protein content of beef.
Preparation: Send children outside to chase grasshoppers. Get the most demonic child to remove all of the grasshoppers’ wings and legs. Once this is done, the cooking is up to you. Heat up some frying oil in a shallow pan, then sautée garlic, chili and onions until the onions are translucent. Remove and discard onions, chili and garlic from the oil, leaving only the oil in the pan. Place the grasshoppers in the oil until crisp and brown. Make sure you cook them thoroughly though, as sometimes they can contain parasites. Remove the grasshoppers and drain them well on paper towel. Similar to the process of taking a tequila shot, sprinkle salt over the top of your grasshoppers, (like you would your hand before licking it off pre-tequila consumption) then squeeze some lime over them (like you would squeeze lime into your mouth, post-tequila consumption).
Gator Kebabs – South Louisiana
Mostly served at outdoor festivals, chunks of deep-fried alligator are served on 10-inch wooden skewers. This rare delicacy is said to have a chewy consistency, something to the effect of undercooked pork. Yummy?
Preparation: For the freshest of fresh gator kebabs, find a hunter with a permit to shoot alligators. Cut up the alligator’s tail into bite-sized pieces. Batter your gator in cornmeal seasoning. Skewer, throw on the barbecue and serve.
Complete list here (HighestFive)
Tacos de Chapulines (i.e. Grasshopper Tacos) – Mexico
Given enough Tequila, I think I would certainly indulge in one of these once-happy-hopping, crunchy delights. Restaurant critic Robert Sietsema describes them as “meaty, crispy and strangely addictive” and, if you keep your eyes closed, “aren’t all that different from say, pork tidbits”. They are also highly nutritious, low in fat and contain pound for pound, twice the protein content of beef.
Preparation: Send children outside to chase grasshoppers. Get the most demonic child to remove all of the grasshoppers’ wings and legs. Once this is done, the cooking is up to you. Heat up some frying oil in a shallow pan, then sautée garlic, chili and onions until the onions are translucent. Remove and discard onions, chili and garlic from the oil, leaving only the oil in the pan. Place the grasshoppers in the oil until crisp and brown. Make sure you cook them thoroughly though, as sometimes they can contain parasites. Remove the grasshoppers and drain them well on paper towel. Similar to the process of taking a tequila shot, sprinkle salt over the top of your grasshoppers, (like you would your hand before licking it off pre-tequila consumption) then squeeze some lime over them (like you would squeeze lime into your mouth, post-tequila consumption).
Gator Kebabs – South Louisiana
Mostly served at outdoor festivals, chunks of deep-fried alligator are served on 10-inch wooden skewers. This rare delicacy is said to have a chewy consistency, something to the effect of undercooked pork. Yummy?
Preparation: For the freshest of fresh gator kebabs, find a hunter with a permit to shoot alligators. Cut up the alligator’s tail into bite-sized pieces. Batter your gator in cornmeal seasoning. Skewer, throw on the barbecue and serve.
Complete list here (HighestFive)
Music That Is About Our Human Needs . . . . .
The Buzzcocks - Orgasm Addict
A classic slice of British post-punk with some of the best lyrics on this list - to wit, "Sneaking in the back door with dirty magazines / Now your mother wants to know what all those stains on your jeans / And you're an orgasm addict!"
Lil' Wayne - Pussy Monster.
Wait, doesn't Lil' Wayne kiss dudes on the mouth? Nevertheless, this track is so single-minded in its love for the punan that it had to make the list. "It goes P-U-S-S-Y / Because it's the reason that I'm alive."
Color Me Badd - I Wanna Sex You
Up A classic in the field of blueball literature, this track from the Oklahoma City R&B band's first record has some amazingly perplexing lyrics, like "We can do it 'til we both wake up." Wait, that implies that one or possibly both partners are asleep during coitus - that's not really great praise for CMB's sex abilities.
Arabian Prince - Situation Hot
If you're going to listen to a sexy song from a former member of N.W.A, this electro jam from 1990 is probably your best bet. With a Jheri curl like this, it's a wonder the Prince ever had to wait more than fifteen seconds for sex.
Pretty Ricky - On The Hotline
It takes a rare man confident in his masculinity to put out an entire damn song about phone sex. The backing lyrics really make this one a contender.
Divinyls - I Touch Myself
Here's a rare incident of a lady delivering the goods - this 90s one-hit wonder hailed from Australia and hit the top of the charts with this paean to self-love. The rare song about being horny that can actually make you horny as well.
Mousse T - Horny
This song is incredibly stupid, but it has the word "horny" in it like six trazillion times, so I can really believe that this guy wants some pants action with the seriousness.
Foreigner - Urgent
This classic slab of early 80s cheese-rock is all about the fire in your pants and how important it is to put it out. These guys were so pent up that it was a tight call between this and "Hot Blooded."
Trash Yourself - Touch
Buzzing synthesizers and utterly shameless lyrics about desperately wanting the makeouts - is there anything else in the world? This one is d-i-r-t-a-y dirty.
2 Live Crew - Me So Horny
Was there ever any doubt? Luke Campbell and his gang of miscreants truly epitomized the mindset of the man on the prowl. "Im like a dog in heat, a freak without warning / I have an appetite for sex, cause me so horny." Damn skippy, Luke.
Video links (Heavy)
Not Everything Couples Do Needs To Be Shared . . . . .
15 Things to Never Do with Your Girl
Find out if you're already breaking the . . . . .
Share an email
Sure, you've got nothing to hide. Yeah, you trust her and she trusts you. Doesn't matter. Girlfriends misinterpret. It's their job. And when the two of you are sharing an email address, you're just giving her an opportunity to misinterpret every waking hour of the day. She'll be fighting with you over the penis enlargement spam in no time. "Who are you trying to enlarge your penis for? You're cheating on me, aren't you?!"
Move in togehter
Ahh, the classic rookie mistake. Now, we're not saying you should NEVER move in with your girlfriend. If you've gone out for years and one of you spends the significant portion of their time at the other one's abode and it makes sense for your commute and the move is a step up for your living situation, then by all means... wait two months and then maybe move in. But we know you -- you're gonna be tempted to want to spend every waking moment with your girl after the 2nd glorious, sex-filled month. And that's a mistake. Rushing in to a cohabitation situation is akin to eating a cake 30 minutes before it's done -- it's going to suck and it'll leave a bad taste in your mouth.
Take out a loan
You need a chunk of change to bankroll your budding JetSki Food Delivery service (every guy's got a dream). Your girlfriend believes in your budding JetSki Food Delivery service idea and she has better credit than you so she'd like to co-sign on the loan you're going to take out with the bank. WAIT! No. Back up. This is the worst idea ever. Not only does it violate the boundary between work and personal life, it adds undue financial stress on the bond you have with your girlfriend. What if your JetSki Food Delivery service fails (it will)? Now your girlfriend owes the bank $10,000, you've got no means to pay her back and she's growing increasingly resentful of those four JetSkis you have sitting around in your garage, collecting artful dust. Even if she wants to give you all the money in the world, be a proud man and say no. Then ask her if you can talk to her father instead.
Get a dog
For a couple, a dog is, in many cases, a stand-in for a child. She'll be taking mental notes on how you treat Barney, the beloved French Bulldog, and jotting those notes down on the "Pros" and "Cons" column of the whiteboard in her head that she has dedicated to you. If that doesn't take the fun out of a shared dog, the thought of what will happen to the dog when you break up will. Poor pooch. If you want to get a dog, get one for yourself, bring him home and tell her, "Hey babe, meet my new rottweiler. His name is Ron Mexico."
Take a trip over 2 weeks
Shared vacations are awesome. Especially ones that involve beaches, comfy hotel rooms and soundproof walls. But there's a fun-to-hell threshold you cross once the two of you have been traveling for longer than 2 weeks. Then, the stress of being in a strange place gets compounded by the fact that you have no time to yourself. Pile on top of that being confined in small rooms (even the largest hotel room can't compare to your man cave) and having to see the same person literally every second of the day for two weeks (that's 1,209,600 seconds spent together). When it comes to a relaxing shared vacation together... quit while you're ahead.
Work together
This should be a no-brainer -- you already hate and resent all the people you work with, so why go and add your girlfriend to that list? You'll be tempted to do one off projects with her (maybe she's a graphic designer and you need designs for the hood of your rad new Trans Am), but no matter how small the project, working with your girlfriend in a professional capacity is like sticking your hand in a bee's nest -- that thing that used to give you honey is now sending you into anaphylactic shock.
Renovate a house (or anything)
If you're renovating a house in general, you're braver than us. But if you're renovating a house with your girlfriend, you're a brave man with a relationship death wish. Girls aren't good at construction, carpentry, plumbing, painting walls, moving furniture or even unpacking boxes. This is not a slight -- girls will happily admit that they are not suited for home renovations other than some sort of order-giving capacity. And you don't need someone barking, "No, move it three inches!" while you're in the middle of lugging a refrigerator up three flights of stairs (because, sometimes you want a cold brew in the attic... duh). Rope a buddy into helping you and let her go to the day spa. Trust us.
Critique each other's work
It doesn't matter what you do -- artist, writer, computer programmer, amateur bull rider -- don't invite her to critique your stuff. Even if what she has to say is positive, she's probably going to highlight something you hate. And same goes for you -- don't tell her how you feel about her vampire-inspired latin sonnets. Even if she insists, tell her "Made Man said no." She'll understand.
Cook for more than 5 people
A surefire way to get into a woman's pants is to cook for her. It makes perfect sense -- the meal's gonna be decent, unless you really, really suck; she's going to be impressed with your skills; she'll be happy to be waited on and served and most importantly, your kitchen is right near your bedroom. And if she wants to help out... or hell, even take the lead on the meal, it's still gonna be great and you're still gonna get laid. Invite a few friends over and if they're mildly impressed, you're in! So don't go and spoil that surefire sex switch by agreeing to cook together for a large group of people. If you've ever worked in a restaurant during the dinner rush, you'll instantly know what we're talking about -- there will be gross food flying everywhere, the two of you will be insulting each other, swearing up a blue streak that would make Howard Stern blush and you'll be so overwhelmed neither of you will have a chance to eat. Suddenly, your surefire way to her heart has heartburn. Just hire a catering crew instead. Let them fight it out.
Take a class
This rule applies to the most official of classes (college, graduate etc.) all the way to the least official (a knitting circle or book club). One person will work harder than the other one and it's going to be annoying for the both of you. Just let her take her class and come home and regale you with tales of the lazy, idiot students she has to deal with. Don't volunteer to become one of them.
Make each other homemade gifts
Yes, your mom loved your hand-drawn Christmas card. Your girlfriend's not your mom. She wants a necklace, or a cute dress... heck, even a pair of naughty underwear. Just don't make her something. That doesn't mean she's superficial. You wouldn't want her to sculpt you an ashtray for your birthday either.
Play golf, bowling or video games
It's cute that your girl has an interest in sports. And thank goodness she stays active... three laps a day keeps the fat rolls away. But no matter what, always avoid the temptation to take her golfing or bowling. Those two "sports" are slow paced enough that she could be just as good as you. Or better. And that will cause problems. And if she's terrible at either, she'll be bored out of her skull. The same rule applies to video games... she'll either whoop your butt and leave you bitter and embarrassed or she'll be whining for the whole thing to be over with.
Have a threesome
Avoid having a threesome with your girlfriend at all costs. Well, avoid it unless you enjoy watching a loving relationship devolve into a seedy, exploitative mess. Or if you really want to get rid of her in a fun, creative way! [Ed. Note: Debatable]
Have kids
Don't turn your hot mama into your baby mama. That should go without saying, but for those few (idiots) on the fence, just know that children, in addition to being the ultimate time and money suck, also douse water over any romantic flame your relationship may've had.
Get married
The best way to kill a perfectly good relationship is to go and get married. It's like they say -- don't fix what aint broken. If you absolutely HAVE to get married, then get married to a stranger and keep your girlfriend around on the side. WE'RE KIDDING, we're kidding! Sort of.
(MadeMan)
Find out if you're already breaking the . . . . .
Share an email
Sure, you've got nothing to hide. Yeah, you trust her and she trusts you. Doesn't matter. Girlfriends misinterpret. It's their job. And when the two of you are sharing an email address, you're just giving her an opportunity to misinterpret every waking hour of the day. She'll be fighting with you over the penis enlargement spam in no time. "Who are you trying to enlarge your penis for? You're cheating on me, aren't you?!"
Move in togehter
Ahh, the classic rookie mistake. Now, we're not saying you should NEVER move in with your girlfriend. If you've gone out for years and one of you spends the significant portion of their time at the other one's abode and it makes sense for your commute and the move is a step up for your living situation, then by all means... wait two months and then maybe move in. But we know you -- you're gonna be tempted to want to spend every waking moment with your girl after the 2nd glorious, sex-filled month. And that's a mistake. Rushing in to a cohabitation situation is akin to eating a cake 30 minutes before it's done -- it's going to suck and it'll leave a bad taste in your mouth.
Take out a loan
You need a chunk of change to bankroll your budding JetSki Food Delivery service (every guy's got a dream). Your girlfriend believes in your budding JetSki Food Delivery service idea and she has better credit than you so she'd like to co-sign on the loan you're going to take out with the bank. WAIT! No. Back up. This is the worst idea ever. Not only does it violate the boundary between work and personal life, it adds undue financial stress on the bond you have with your girlfriend. What if your JetSki Food Delivery service fails (it will)? Now your girlfriend owes the bank $10,000, you've got no means to pay her back and she's growing increasingly resentful of those four JetSkis you have sitting around in your garage, collecting artful dust. Even if she wants to give you all the money in the world, be a proud man and say no. Then ask her if you can talk to her father instead.
Get a dog
For a couple, a dog is, in many cases, a stand-in for a child. She'll be taking mental notes on how you treat Barney, the beloved French Bulldog, and jotting those notes down on the "Pros" and "Cons" column of the whiteboard in her head that she has dedicated to you. If that doesn't take the fun out of a shared dog, the thought of what will happen to the dog when you break up will. Poor pooch. If you want to get a dog, get one for yourself, bring him home and tell her, "Hey babe, meet my new rottweiler. His name is Ron Mexico."
Take a trip over 2 weeks
Shared vacations are awesome. Especially ones that involve beaches, comfy hotel rooms and soundproof walls. But there's a fun-to-hell threshold you cross once the two of you have been traveling for longer than 2 weeks. Then, the stress of being in a strange place gets compounded by the fact that you have no time to yourself. Pile on top of that being confined in small rooms (even the largest hotel room can't compare to your man cave) and having to see the same person literally every second of the day for two weeks (that's 1,209,600 seconds spent together). When it comes to a relaxing shared vacation together... quit while you're ahead.
Work together
This should be a no-brainer -- you already hate and resent all the people you work with, so why go and add your girlfriend to that list? You'll be tempted to do one off projects with her (maybe she's a graphic designer and you need designs for the hood of your rad new Trans Am), but no matter how small the project, working with your girlfriend in a professional capacity is like sticking your hand in a bee's nest -- that thing that used to give you honey is now sending you into anaphylactic shock.
Renovate a house (or anything)
If you're renovating a house in general, you're braver than us. But if you're renovating a house with your girlfriend, you're a brave man with a relationship death wish. Girls aren't good at construction, carpentry, plumbing, painting walls, moving furniture or even unpacking boxes. This is not a slight -- girls will happily admit that they are not suited for home renovations other than some sort of order-giving capacity. And you don't need someone barking, "No, move it three inches!" while you're in the middle of lugging a refrigerator up three flights of stairs (because, sometimes you want a cold brew in the attic... duh). Rope a buddy into helping you and let her go to the day spa. Trust us.
Critique each other's work
It doesn't matter what you do -- artist, writer, computer programmer, amateur bull rider -- don't invite her to critique your stuff. Even if what she has to say is positive, she's probably going to highlight something you hate. And same goes for you -- don't tell her how you feel about her vampire-inspired latin sonnets. Even if she insists, tell her "Made Man said no." She'll understand.
Cook for more than 5 people
A surefire way to get into a woman's pants is to cook for her. It makes perfect sense -- the meal's gonna be decent, unless you really, really suck; she's going to be impressed with your skills; she'll be happy to be waited on and served and most importantly, your kitchen is right near your bedroom. And if she wants to help out... or hell, even take the lead on the meal, it's still gonna be great and you're still gonna get laid. Invite a few friends over and if they're mildly impressed, you're in! So don't go and spoil that surefire sex switch by agreeing to cook together for a large group of people. If you've ever worked in a restaurant during the dinner rush, you'll instantly know what we're talking about -- there will be gross food flying everywhere, the two of you will be insulting each other, swearing up a blue streak that would make Howard Stern blush and you'll be so overwhelmed neither of you will have a chance to eat. Suddenly, your surefire way to her heart has heartburn. Just hire a catering crew instead. Let them fight it out.
Take a class
This rule applies to the most official of classes (college, graduate etc.) all the way to the least official (a knitting circle or book club). One person will work harder than the other one and it's going to be annoying for the both of you. Just let her take her class and come home and regale you with tales of the lazy, idiot students she has to deal with. Don't volunteer to become one of them.
Make each other homemade gifts
Yes, your mom loved your hand-drawn Christmas card. Your girlfriend's not your mom. She wants a necklace, or a cute dress... heck, even a pair of naughty underwear. Just don't make her something. That doesn't mean she's superficial. You wouldn't want her to sculpt you an ashtray for your birthday either.
Play golf, bowling or video games
It's cute that your girl has an interest in sports. And thank goodness she stays active... three laps a day keeps the fat rolls away. But no matter what, always avoid the temptation to take her golfing or bowling. Those two "sports" are slow paced enough that she could be just as good as you. Or better. And that will cause problems. And if she's terrible at either, she'll be bored out of her skull. The same rule applies to video games... she'll either whoop your butt and leave you bitter and embarrassed or she'll be whining for the whole thing to be over with.
Have a threesome
Avoid having a threesome with your girlfriend at all costs. Well, avoid it unless you enjoy watching a loving relationship devolve into a seedy, exploitative mess. Or if you really want to get rid of her in a fun, creative way! [Ed. Note: Debatable]
Have kids
Don't turn your hot mama into your baby mama. That should go without saying, but for those few (idiots) on the fence, just know that children, in addition to being the ultimate time and money suck, also douse water over any romantic flame your relationship may've had.
Get married
The best way to kill a perfectly good relationship is to go and get married. It's like they say -- don't fix what aint broken. If you absolutely HAVE to get married, then get married to a stranger and keep your girlfriend around on the side. WE'RE KIDDING, we're kidding! Sort of.
(MadeMan)
How To Know That You Sir Are On Lock Down By Your Girl . . . . .
1 You have to consult with her before making plans
Your friends invited you to come over to watch the game and get excessively drunk on a Monday night. However, before you can say yes, you have to present a closing-argument-type-speech to your girlfriend asking for permission. She’ll reluctantly say yes, but you’ll be punished later when you come home to find her locking on the ole chastity belt.
2 You don’t remember a time when you had friends
You have faint memories of a time when you used to have a group of friends. But the memories are so hazy you’re not even sure if these “friends” were real or part of some trippy dream you had once. Sometimes you think about going onto Facebook and checking on these “friends,” but then you remember your girlfriend wrote violent things on all your ex’s walls and then deleted the account.
3 You’ve seen a Nicholas Sparks movie
Not only did you see “Dear John,” but you paid for the tickets. In fact, you’re such a good boyfriend that you voluntarily dabbed her eyes and cleaned up her mascara as she cried. The Notebook is your go-to Friday night movie DVD and you don’t even remember a time when you didn’t know all the words to the final monologue in Nights in Rodanthe.
4 You use “we” when talking about yourself
No matter how personal of a statement you are making, the pronoun “we” is always used. We went to the bathroom after eating Mexican, we had a weird rash on our stomach, and we had really bad period cramps today. The other day you tried saying “I” and ending up choking on your own tongue.
5 You always pay
Whether you’re going out to dinner or paying for Midol cramp relief, you always pay. You’re not even sure if your girlfriend owns a wallet or has a bank account since she’s never once offered to pay for anything. In the past year she surprised you by opening up 6 different credit cards in your name and claimed that debt was your problem and she didn’t want to hear another word about it.
6 You had to ask permission to go your grandma’s funeral
She was beyond pissed when you asked her if you could skip Friday DVD night to go to your grandmother’s funeral. She didn’t speak to you for weeks when you asked her to come with you for emotional support. And she wouldn’t sleep with you for four months after the funeral because you so rudely asked her not to wear her black leather mini-skirt to the service.
7 You’re castrated
Your balls are literally on a jar on the top of the fridge — not even refrigerated to stay fresh. Sometimes you steal a glance at the jar and dream of stealing them back. But then you remember that taking them back would only inevitably lead to “stop leaving the toilet seat up” fights.
(Guyism)
Choose Your Drink Wisely . . . . .
Domestic Light Beer – You like to yell. You like to yell in groups. You like to give high fives, smash cans, and bang chicks. The light beer drinker is the beer game champion. You are always up for a game of beer pong, a case race, or a riveting game of point and drink.
Your life revolves around quantity. Who carers if it tastes like watered down piss because you could drink a million of them. You love watching Man vs. Food, Sports, and think it’s funny to call your gay friend fag. People like you because you’re social. Your house is a shit hole but it’s ok, because it’s where every one comes to party.
Domestic Beer – You used to be an athlete.
Wine – You’re a very social person but prefer to go to parties where you can actually talk to the person next to you. You avoid overcrowded bars and chaotic house parties. You’ve got class, or at least you want people to think you have class. You may not be able to afford a nice bottle of wine yet, but you have aspirations. You still swirl and sniff your wine even if it comes out of a box and into a plastic cup. You aren’t pretentious yet, but you dream of the day where you can look down on people.
Malt Liquor – Just because you don’t have money doesn’t mean that you can’t have a good time. You know how to get drunk, and you know how to get drunk fast.
You aren’t sure what your friends real first names are, and you smoke blunts. You love house parties but you’re usually pretty drunk by the time you get there. People know you, but they aren’t sure what your name is either. You’re welcome just about everywhere you go, but the wine drinkers seem to be afraid of you, even though they hug you when you walk in the door.
Vodka – A Vodka drinker is as versatile as their liquor of choice. They drink according to the time of day and the mood that they’re in.
Jello Shots – You hate the taste of liquor but you love to get drunk. You are a shy person when sober, but after a few of these magical globs of gelatin you put Lindsay Lohan to shame.
Bloody Mary’s – You are a true alcoholic who knows the number one rule of alcoholism. You need to bite the hair of the dog that bit you. There isn’t a time of day that you wouldn’t rather be drinking.
Vodka Tonic – You’re a chick, or you care more about your body than a good time.
White Russians – You love The Big Lebowski. You wish that people would call you “the dude,” but you don’t want to ask. You’re a pretty relaxed guy anyways, though, and you like the way that you look holding a drink.
Red Bull and Vodka – You like things extreme – but so do the rest of the X-Games followers that are the biggest non conformity screaming conformists on the planet. [begin sarcasm] Add some Mountain Dew in there and you have a real man’s drink. You might be a partier. You might be a speed freak you might be dancing all night long. Hey maybe you’re not such a follower, maybe you just couldn’t find any cocaine at the last minute.
Cosmo – Girls, you’re uptight, chatty, annoying, you think sleeping with a guy is a favor, and you consider yourself a catch. You probably went to see Sex in the City opening week with your girlfriends (likely while your guys was out fantasizing about a tequila girl.)
Cosmo Guys? Please. There’s no such thing.
Tequila – Most drinkers might call it quits after they get kicked out of a bar, but not a tequila drinker. They are the true, the proud. The hard core party people that liven it up where ever they go. I don’t care how you consume your tequila, whether it’s a shot, a margarita, or off some large woman’s tit, it all means the same thing – the party is with these people. My favorite part of any night is the next morning when I get to hear about what happened from the tequila drinker’s perspective. tequila drinkers make good stories.
Tequila for Women – Drinking tequila is like holding a sign saying I’m a fun chick. You’re wild, fun, sexy, and every guy at the bar is watching you. Even though you are announcing that you are open for business, it’s going to take a real man to keep up with you. You’re in for a long, wild night, and any man that can’t keep up isn’t worth your time.
Margaritas – You feel comfortable under palm fronds and wish that you were at the beach. You beach party and bon fire as often as possible, and yearn for more sex on the beach (not the cocktail.)
Upside Down Margaritas – Who needs a cup, just make it in my mouth. You’ve lost all inhibitions and are one step away from jail, marriage, millions or all three.
Whiskey – You’re a fighter, but not in that mean dickish way. You just know how to settle an argument. You’re the first to pick the guy up off the ground and get him another drink. You don’t hold grudges but your temper flares easily.
You’re an observer. You also always have a joke or a story ready, but sometimes the liquor does the talking for you. You know why people go to the bar and it isn’t to chase ass, it’s to get drunk. You’ve got your favorite spot at the bar, you’ve got your favorite bartender, and you pay for good service.
Gin – A gin drinker is like a vodka drinker but with a little extra hair on their balls.
Martini – You’ve officially burned off all of your taste buds, but still make ridiculous requests from your bartender. It goes cherry, olive, blue cheese, cherry, and don’t use a toothpick, the wood gives off a bad flavor. Do you have any plastic swords?
Gin and Juice – You’re music tastes haven’t changed since the 8th grade, and either has your drink. You don’t like the taste of gin and juice, but you just can’t help yourself from saying it. Ignore those awkward looks at the bar, they’re just jealous.
Rum Straight – You’ve never had rum, or you’re a pirate.
Mojitos – The bartender is dating your ex-girlfriend and you feel like being a dick.
Pina Colada – You love sing along songs, dancing in the rain, and can’t stand wearing shoes. You have a terrible habit of saying that it’s 5 o’clock somewhere every time you pick up a drink. But despite your annoying habits, you’re a pretty fun drunk. You’ve always got something nice to say, usually a movie quote, you make friends with everyone, and never seem to get angry.
Rum and Coke – You’re simple. You don’t need anything fancy to have a good time. Actually, rum and coke is fancy for you. You’re typically a beer drinker but tonight you are going to get nuts. You aren’t used to hard liquor and drink you’re rum and cokes at an amazingly fast speed. You are usually the first to pass out, but you go down in a flame of glory.
(COED)
Some Very Good Reasons To Enter If You Haven't Already . . . . .
11 Reasons Why Playboy Golf Should Be On Your Must-Do List
Reason #1: Shotgunning beers with the tournament workers.
Compete list here (BustedCoverage)
Reason #1: Shotgunning beers with the tournament workers.
Compete list here (BustedCoverage)
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